Explore Foxton University
Be Best. Be Here. Be You. F.U.
Choosing the right college may be crucial to your success and your parents' happiness. Foxton University is pioneering the field of education through rigorous academics while supporting the angst and joys of being 17-22 (or 23 or 24 or 25ish--not everyone's a genius, right?). At FU, you'll be exposed to eye-opening experiences in the classroom, dorms, dining halls, and on the streets of Foxton. We welcome all prospective students for a visit anytime.
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Foxton University
1 Foxtail Boulevard
Foxton, Massachusetts
Is FU 4 U?
FU to the World
Since 1860, when Ermegilda Foxton saw her reflection in the Carl River, she thought, "Wow--it's like me, only wet and wiggly. Wouldn't it be cool to start a school here?" Since then, young people have been reflecting on--and sometimes creating--the great ideas of almost every field.
Foxton University welcomes students from all nations and most states, and has been an acknowledged leader in the fields of liberal arts, science, technology, horsecraft, languages, engineering, business, communications, medical innovation, and amazing student food service options.
Come study at FU and join a long line of alumni (after taking four years of courses, of course, and paying all your fees, and making sure you meet the major and minor requirements--plus a simple psychological profile). Start your future here and your present will be, as our adorable latinx students say, "no problemo." FU is For U.
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Favorite Course, 2022-2024
For an easy A, consider Associate Professor of Arithmetic Lucy Bumble's course, Numbers Numbers Numbers! Bumble, who recently completed eighth grade, uses bright colors and animal-based graphics to guide students through the complexities of single- and double-digit addition and subtraction so they are able, at the end of the semester, to make change, play dominoes, and count backwards from 99 by 7s. Bumble, seen above, rides her amphibious bike across the River Carl to campus every day.
Faculty Stars
Humanities Professor Michael Mukis, above, studies romance across the world. Some call him "The Love Doctor" (though it's an PhD, not an MD). His classes always have a waiting list. His papers on attraction, attractiveness, and courting habits have drawn praise at numerous professional conferences and raised eyebrows at several police stations. He is an expert on self-love and a motivational speaker at international fetish conventions. Mukis is one of hundreds of our outstanding teacher/scholars.
Students Discover Youth Elixir
Pictured, from left, is Aribel Schuster, ('25) her father Randy Schuster, and Pixie McLaughlin ('25). Aribel and Pixie's biology lab experiment in reversing aging has garnered huge media attention. "My dad was our first test subject," says Aribel, "and since it worked so well on him, we tried it on ourselves. The only drawback is that we can't get on the lab stools by ourselves, and Dad can't see over the steering wheel so Mom is kinda pissed. But we got a nice grant from a booster seat maker and next we're hoping someone can make us more mac 'n' cheese."
Student Organizations
Acapella Fellas
Brew Bros
Campus Tour Hosts
Colon Club
Circle Twirlers
Cacamorphs
Deniers Club
Drama Queens
Filmers & Watchers
Fox Droppings [Student newspaper]
Free Hug Coalition
Interpretive Dance
LGTBQIARXSTVM
Legos Legion
Misinterpretive Dance
MILFs
MOFOs
Nudist Toboggan Squad
Recovering Archers
Skanks
Student Government
Synchronized Skipping Society
Thursday Smelling Group
Tooters
Tudors
Tutors
Virgin Support Group
Whoopie Pies
Zealots for Ignorance (formerly Young Republicans)
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Tryouts for Synchronized Skippers [Photo by Hugo 'Burp' Dugan]
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ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE (plus Style)
See our Schools and Colleges HERE.
Words can only describe our University so much; a visit will let you experience our campus. Learn about our curriculum, our city setting, and how we support our students here at Foxton University. Below (center, seated), vice president Urge Fontopilos greets freshmen during Orientation Week. Her signature snakeskin shirts are copied campus-wide on Administration Suckup Day.
Click on the "FU Schools, etc" above to see a listing of all of our outstanding academic offerings. With so many choices and opportunities for crossdisciplinary studies, at Foxton U, you can major in U. Or You. Or ewe. [Ewwww.]
OPEN HOUSE & CAMPUS VISITS
Experience proves that 73% of those who visit our FU campus think about applying. The other 27% think about airplanes, scuba diving, or pancakes. We encourage you to come see the campus and find people just like you--or not at all like you--or something like you but without that...um...you know. Anyway, we have visitors from every state and numerous countries (not always on purpose, but please smile at them anyway). More than 40% of campus visitors are parents and another 23% hope to be within 24 hours of their visit. See the dorms, classrooms, labs, athletic facilities, and the wondrous trolley line right up the middle of the campus. Be sure and leave time to tour Greater Foxton itself, a great city with numerous bars, colorful 'street' people, adorably confusing street signs, and historical wonders. Come see for U self.
Not every athlete has to be an aggressive ass. Above, right, FU defenseman Archie Wonkle deftly avoids interfering with an obviously excited blue-shirted opponent. [Photo by Jill Birdnest]
VARSITY and CLUB SPORTS
Basketball
Dodgeball (Club)
Equestrian
Field Hockey
Flag Football (Club)
Foosball
Hockey
Leapfrog
Nerding
Rowing
Soccer
Softball
Swimming
Tag & Red Rover (Club)
Track and Field and Stream
Wrestling (Coed)
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Students Talk About F.U.
"FU was my safety school, but since I've been here and made two friends and passed almost all my courses, it is definitely moving up my list, to probably, 7th favorite." Archie, Junior, Tuna, GA
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"I was looking for a big city feel, and frankly I appreciate any kind of feel, but FU is easy to spell." Jon, Freshman, Paja, MA
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"I came here for the rocking social life, and now I get all the guys and girls I want. (And Student Health Services is very discrete, if you know what I mean.)" Janine, Sophomore, Ponytail, NJ
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"When I say something amazing and someone asks, 'Where on earth did you learn that?' I just say 'FU.'" Sheila, Senior, Paris, France
APPLICATION FORM
Become a Foxtonian
Please fill out your Application carefully. Be sure to fill in each area. To improve your chance of acceptance, application should be accompanied by first year's tuition, room & board ($70,000) via credit card info below. All others, submit $500 app fee.